Mr. Weezer
Mr. Weezer's Chart Examination
February 24, 2019
Hello, welcome to the Mr. Weezer blog. Today I am going to talk about how sex is prohibited
by the government and why it is that way. I feel like this is very important information. Especially
considering the fact that PornHub, the largest source of pornography online has now reached an
Alexa rating of 27. (For those who don't know, the Alexa rating is an index hosted by Amazon
that determines how many visitors websites have yearly.) Additionally, music has become
increasingly sexualized in recent years to great commercial success (look at the lyrics to any Nicki
Minaj song for proof).
What's the problem with the normalization of sex? Well, sex is the manifestation of everything
wrong with humanity. To begin, sex brings diseases such as HIV or chlamydia (which can chop that
skin flute right off, explaining why Brendon Urine lacks a penis.) As well, these sexually transmitted
diseases could potentially result in death. Notable famous people who have these sexually transmitted
diseases include Usher, Brendon Urie (previously stated to be evident by the lack of a penis), and
Magic Johnson. These diseases could also result in genitalia being distorted whether or not it is the
penis looking like that of a horse (which is not as fun as it sounds) or the vagina being a swollen red
instead of the usual pastel pink hue. In fact, these diseases have become so widespread that it is to the
point that more than half of the world has at least one (with the most common being herpes). The
reason sex is banned is that way these diseases could be eradicated over time, providing a purer
humanity.
As well, sex has brought nothing to humanity except for pain and suffering. Case in point is
Weezer's album "Pinkerton" which is a perfect insight into the life of God himself (Rivers Cuomo)
and his struggle with sex. Throughout the album, he makes an point for why he has banned sex and
each track provides more and more emotion to it than the last. By the end, I was completely
convinced on why sex is banned. Rivers' pain is evident throughout the whole album. He is truly
presenting his heart and soul to the whole world and to prevent his pain and suffering, sex is banned.
For instance, some examples where is pain is evident is on "Tired Of Sex" where he complains about
his struggle to find and attract a sexual partner so he can have sex. Something emphasized by his
screams for help in the post-chorus. Or the fiery "El Scorcho" where Cuomo hisses out against those
"half japanese girls" for denying him of a relationship which is prevalent in his actions in the song
such as looking through the girl's diary after saying that she's never heard of "Green Day" (a popular
rock band at the time of the song's release). Finally, on "Pink Triangle" Cuomo details a story of
where the person he liked was actually a lesbian and how he felt. He expresses his pain and to
prevent this pain in the future, Cuomo banned sex himself. However, Cuomo not only did this for his
own personal benefit. He also wanted to help people live purer lives and lift a burden off of other
people who were sexually frustrated.
The final reason for why Rivers Cuomo banned sex is because of massacres that occurred
because of peoples' sexual frustrations. Throughout history, sex has only brought frustration and
anger to this world to the point where people would kill each other to get closer to having sex.
This is because sex is a human instinct and our goal on this planet is to reproduce. People would
do anything to fulfill this need, as this is what they were designed for including the killing of other
people. Since sex is able to kill people, it can be concluded that Cuomo's ban on sex is live-saving.
Therefore, as a conclusion, sex is a burden on society and by removing it, Rivers Cuomo (aka
God) was able to save this world from disease, pain, anger, and death. Cuomo's ban on sex
singlehandedly will eradicate sexually transmitted diseases such as Herpes and HIV in the future, has
stopped the pain and anger sexually frustrated people faced, and has saved lives because of this anger.
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Mr. Weezer Mr. Weezer's Chart Examination February 24, 2019 Hello, welcome to the Mr. Weezer blog. Today I am g...
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Hello there, you heard right. Mr Weezer is doing a Weezer rankdown. Weezer is a well known pop-rock band formed in the early 1990s by God (R...
Great post. I feel a lot smarter now.
ReplyDeleteuh a ban on sex is literally the opposite of life-saving
DeleteNice post, mr weezer. I think Your post looks nice
DeleteWaffle, That was such a nice comment.
ReplyDeleteThat’s because I actually like Mr. Weezer unlike you
Delete